I didn’t start to hate myself over night. It has been a life long process that I practiced every day. It is impossible to just wake up one morning wiping away YEARS of defeating thoughts and say “I love me” and actually mean it. No friends, it is not a simple feat. Now the journey switches from a life time of self hate to a day to day struggle with self acceptance. Healing is a life long process. It takes time to gain perspective on it and and for the negative feelings to diminish. My healing process has it’s own course and unfolds in it’s own time.
Here I share parts of my process.
- It is important to understand that having ALL emotions is good. I NEED to express my emotions as a way to let of necessary steam.
- There is a difference between sending negative energy and merely expressing it. This is really important to me as I strongly believe in the Law of 3. (whatever you send out comes back three fold)
- Part of the growing process is learning how to avoid reacting automatically. When I am always reacting, I am always on edge and more likely to respond negatively. Repeating to myself express, don’t send out.
- If I can’t stop it then I need to sit and work through that state. Whatever it maybe. I need to experience the feeling and then chose to transform the energy behind that feeling into something more caring.
- Learn to act lovingly towards myself. I have to love me the same way I love that crazy chihuahua of mine.
- See my words as seeds. I am planting them.Every single one. Both negative and positive. I am the sole person responsible for what I nurture in my mind. Either the flowers or weeds win? Which one am I feeding the best.
While on this process I am coming up with “decrees”. These are positive statements that reaffirm what I am doing in the first place. Statements that remind me that I am a work in progress.
- Who I am matters.
- How I feel matters.
- I deserve to be happy.
- My mental health is improving.
- From now on I will grant myself some grace.
- Relapse is a part of recovery.
- I am a work in progress.
When my past calls, I am no longer answering it. It has nothing new to say to me. I am instead taking the voice mails remaining, the ones my mind just hasn’t deleted yet and cultivating them. The lessons held within are sure the be the rays of sunshine breaking through the clouds. I haven’t seen the rainbow through the rain of those messages just yet. Be PATIENT with yourself and the process. Don’t judge your efforts: just continue to make them. And so I shall.