acceptance · me · ramblings

Deprogramming

Tree stumps. When I look at my legs I see tree stumps. Tree stumps sitting on big long surf boards. My feet are so big. Surf board topped with a big stone and four smaller stones. My toes are gross. Ugh…My arms are huge. Flap like bird wings in the wind. Nasty freckles all over my arms and back. Why can’t I just have clear skin? This picture is horrible! My nose is so big. I swear that is not how this hair cut looks!

I really shouldn’t eat this. If I ever want to be thin, I can’t drink that pop. Damn it, why did I drink that Orange Dew? Now I have to do an extra workout. I will guilt myself for days about this one damn can of pop.  Tacos are NOT healthy. Tacos are not good for me too eat. Why did I just eat 4 tacos? UGH. You are never going to be skinny! You are never going to be thin! You are never going to like yourself if you don’t lose that weight.

 Deprogram: to retrain, as for the purpose of eliminating or replacing a learned or acquired behavior pattern or habit that is undesirable or unsuitable. 

I AM deprogramming my self-hating self image.

Flexible. My legs are flexible. When I peer down I see graceful smooth strong appendages.
My feet get me where I need to go. They are strong and vital.
Those little toes of mine sparkle just fine with that nail polish shine.
My arms are the bearer of love, comfort, stability, vitality and HUGS.
Freckles aplenty like stars in the night sky. Making me uniquely beautiful.
My nose is perfect for me.
My hair looks like Mia Farrow via Rosemary’s baby…EPIC.

Food. Food. Food. We are working on our deprogramming. I fear you are going to take longer than the self image talk. YOU my friend are so wedged into my brain as the enemy. Eventually we will come to terms. One day, I won’t feel guilty about our interactions. One day, I won’t give you a second thought other than Yea, that was good. One day……

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