When I became a first time parent, I didn’t want to stick to the “rules” I bought a wide variety of clothing and toys for my oldest. She has always been more dainty. She enjoys pinks and purples. Likes frills and fluffs. All of which trigger me to vomit. Can’t stand it. HOWEVER, I couldn’t force my choices on her. She had to chose for herself. The second time around the mom bin, my middle daughter shattered ALL girl stereotypes EVER. She has never liked long hair or any pastel shades. She picks “boys” shoes. And has gotten ridiculed at school for not knowing she’s supposed to wear “girl shoes”. To which she responded “I’m me. I know how to think for myself”. She loves all the creepy crawlers of the world. Wants to go to the Everglades to “save the snakes who are there because of humans, not their choice”. Which triggers my skin to crawl! My third daughter is all over the place. She wouldn’t fit into either category of “gender roles”. She just floats on the breeze. My fourth daughter also would not fight into either category of “gender roles”.
Gender Roles are which behaviors a culture/society find appropriate for a female and a male. Examples: Men don’t wear pink. Boys don’t cry. Girls wear dresses. Women stay home. A majority of people adhere to these expected “guidelines”. Then there are the “rebels”, the nonconformist. Those of us who hear what society is saying, but don’t necessarily jive to the bass line of that tune. Then, heaven’s forbid, we become parents! The nonconformist are now raising little nonconformist. What will become of the world???
The world will keep turning. How am I savvy to such amazing knowledge? How do I know the world won’t end?? I chucked “gender roles” out the window a long time ago. Besides how can a group of people who don’t know ME decide what is RIGHT for me? How could my mother decided it was right for me to wear dresses and have long hair? She couldn’t. It wasn’t right for me. It wasn’t who I was. Hence the bringing a switch of clothes to school and always “accidentally” getting gum in my hair. I have always been considered a “tomboy”. Which of course meant I was gender confused. I married a man that is considered “effeminate”. His family actually pestered and berated him about his sexuality.
In our home we are raising four daughters without gender role restrictions. There are no gender roles here. There is only love and acceptance of who each one of us is without feeling like it’s wrong because it doesn’t fit society’s norm. Whatever or Whoever we want to be, we are. Our home may be small but it is full of love. Love of our selves and each other. Knowing that as long as we love ourselves the rest of the society has no hold on us. Acceptance of our similarities and our differences. Acceptance of being who we really each are at our core and not trying to assimilate to the rest of society. Being able to walk through life accepting and being yourself is the best gift a parent can give to their child.