acceptance · me · ramblings

Going through tunnels

Life’s journey is like driving down a road. The scenery always changing. The consistency of the road can be smooth, bumpy, potholes,etc. Slow, fast, windy, straight. Hills. Mountains. Then there are tunnels. Those are the rough spots in life.  Makes more sense for me. Going through a tunnel. Sure it’s dark. It sucks. BUT eventually you come out of it. And that’s how life is. The only way out of anything, is through it.

I am currently coming out of a tunnel. One thing I have learned about myself is I am a very right or wrong thinker. My whole life, things either have to be right or wrong. Simple things, complex things, doesn’t matter which, everything has fallen into those two categories. It has lead to very difficult thought processes to say the least. Making a choice over rather or not to take an action can turn into a Congress session over a budget issue. Well is this the RIGHT thing to do?? Will I be WRONG if I do this? Now I get ya, every body does this to a point. But I do this to the point of losing sleep and not being able to do anything else but focus on the issue at hand. Two days on where to plant butterfly flowers. So to complicate my process, add feelings to it Or so I thought it would be complicate things. Little did I know, how much easier things could become.

Feelings actually simplified that process for me. Instead of stressing over what’s the right or wrong thing to do, I just feel it out. Do I want to do this? Do I need to do this? What do I FEEL like doing? To be quite honest, I rarely ever have asked myself that question before. I usually systematically decided if something was right or wrong and do what’s right. However, that hasn’t always worked. Then I feel like a failure because what was right didn’t work. How didn’t it work? ETC. NOW if I pick what FEELS instead of wrong or right, I’m not wrong. I did what my heart felt.

This has been a very difficult couple of weeks working on catching myself. Since well, I’m stubborn and old habits are hard to break. But it has also been very rewarding. I’ve had more time to do enjoyable odds and ends. Thinks like reading, hanging with the kids and MAYBE playing some completely ridiculous no brainer silly game called Star Girl. AND I LOVE IT.

Feelings can be one of our most difficult things to actually deal with. When we are dealing with our feelings it is alot of self talk. Right now I am just focusing on changing the right and wrong self talk I’ve had going on. I can see the light at the end of this tunnel. Coming out of this one, I can smell spring in the air, the tops down, the breeze is blowing through my hair. I’m ready to come out through this one.

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