life · me · ramblings

This moment

This moment will never exist again. This moment is the only one we are guaranteed. Are you making the most of this moment? Sure outside of my hippie euphoria, I know that every single moment isn’t going to be jet setting and world travel excitement. A girl does need to sleep ya know! That’s not really what I’m looking for every moment to be though. That isn’t my lifestyle. The most beautiful place in the world to me is my own back yard. Doesn’t require to much traveling to get to the epicenter of my zen place. I have used up alot of my life’s moments in my yard. Gardening. Watching my children play. Seeing a hummingbird for the first time. Praying. Thinking. Evolving. I have learned so much about myself during the wee hours of the morning all the way up that dusky time right before the dark swallows the sun. As my garden has grown, so have I.

One of the most precious lessons I have learned is about time. Timing in gardening is everything. Plant too soon and the last frost of the season will wipe out your seedlings. Plant too late and you won’t always get the fullest blossoms. Gardening has placed an importance on my time. I really started to view my world completely differently. In my non-gardening time, what was I doing with myself? Was I making the most of my time? I have to clarify that I don’t mean constantly filling my schedule from eye open to eye close. See all along I was busy. I have always been busy. But busy doesn’t always qualify as actually LIVING right here and now.

These chains of thoughts lead me to an epiphany of epic magnitude. I was wasting time. I was so caught up with other people’s moments that I wasn’t really living in mine. I wasn’t really taking in my life and processing. I wasn’t being there for myself. I always had time for everyone else. How was I spending time on myself? And then I thought about all the time I was spending for other people. All those moments I had spent and would never regain. Where they doing the same for me? Where they spending the same precious moments of their time with me? Sadly, I now know that some people are just not capable of giving back what they receive. Not that they will never be able to, just for whatever reasons the don’t. And again sadly, I had to come up with gull to face myself and realize that most of the people in my life are like that. Tough pill to swallow.

This has been and continues to be a most difficult process. Changing how I spend my time. Roping in those lost minutes and realizing how precious they really are. Understanding that at some point, my sands of time will run out. Did I make the most of those moments? Did I play more with my daughters? Did I remind them often how much I love them? Did I swallow my pride and compromise a bit more? We are often so busy that we really don’t take the time to enjoy our lives. To enjoy those little moments we are blessed with everyday. Mortality is a funny thing. When we think we have a surplus of time, we let life slip through our fingers. Then when life IS slipping through our fingers, we try to live a life time in the few moments we may have left. Don’t let any more of you time slip through your fingers. Live here and now in this very moment.

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