acceptance · me · ramblings

What does “crazy” look like?

Charles Manson and Ted Kaczynski(unibomber) Un-kept  Intense eyes. Wandering minds.  Clearly they look and act crazy.  Dennis Rader(BTK)and Ted Bundy. They act crazy. But are well dressed. Even educated. What if I said Oprah? She hides all her emotional baggage in being a workaholic. Clearly people would say she is successful, but not anything more. What about Richard Dreyfus? Such a talented actor. Have you seen  Mr.Holland’s opus?? Master piece! But he’s bipolar under there. There are even talks of Albert Einstein being crazy. Albert Einstein??? Has the whole world gone mad??

I can find dictionary definitions. But next to those definitions there are no pictures. So I go with antonyms. Insane. Mentally Ill. These have dictionary definitions. These also have in depth descriptions in the medical field. There are so many listings just under Mental Ill alone. I even find the funny phrase “If you think you are crazy you are NOT. If you know
you are crazy you are NOT. If you are crazy and you don’t know you are, then you ARE crazy”. But still no pictures to go along with the words. There are descriptions of action. A very limited description of appearance, but no pictures. So then how does someone know what “crazy” looks like. How does anyone have the knowledge to say “You don’t look crazy” when there are no clear cut images as to what “crazy” really looks like? Because they make ignorant assumptions just like I did years ago when my dad was first diagnosed.

My father was diagnosed schizophrenic quite some time ago. So this is something close to my heart that I have read and read about. Asking questions every where we went. So yea, I had that ignorant “crazy” label in my mind. My dad doesn’t look like Manson, they gotta be wrong. This guy could close his eyes and design some of the most amazing things you’d ever seen. All from his mind’s eye. He could fix anything. Very Creative. I mean there was talk of the x-files being based on him and his brothers’ lives. Oh wait. Yea there it was all those years ago when I was a child. I should’ve seen it. I should’ve known he was a nut case. Right? Nah. My dad’s just different.

My husband was diagnosed bipolar a few years ago. I once again read and researched. No way he’s crazy. How did I not see it? My dad’s crazy so I should’ve seen crazy from a mile away. Plus, he’s another talented one. The guy can pick up a guitar and play. He listens to a song a couple of times. Next thing I know, he’s strumming it. They gotta be wrong. He can’t be crazy. So what he likes sleeping all day. The guy’s tired. He’s down in the dumps. It happens. I’m alot like my husband. So he can’t be crazy. My husband is just different.

I was diagnosed Bipolar which later was switched to Complex PTSD.  Anxiety and Depression are friends of mine since childhood. But I’m not crazy. This is just who I am. I’m different. I always have been. I’m not quite sure what “good” sleep is. I can stay up for days, cleaning and cooking and just doing stuff. I get ideas that literally wake me up in the middle of the night. I have to work on the idea. Those are my “Tommyknockers”. This is normal for me. It may not be for someone else. However,this is my everyday. I’m just different.

What do we look like? Someone you love. Someone who loves you.


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