family · life · love · ramblings

Why do I stay

It is difficult in any marriage. It’s hard trying to compromise living together when you want things your way and so does the other person. Yet, when there’s love you’re willing to let the toilet paper or paper towels be ‘upside down’ on the roll. In my marriage we are very open about battling Bipolar Disorder. It’s like have three people in your marriage BUT without all that extra ‘fun’ that could be there. hahaha Recently my husband has been hospitalized for treatment. It is very heartbreaking to walk through these steps even though we know it’s needed. Feels like walking with cement boots on. This disorder effects a whole family, not just one person. But the thing that breaks my heart the most is the following question…”Why do you stay with him?”

Whenever my husband’s illness gets the better of him, of course it is a family struggle. What are we supposed to do??  What else can we do?? We walk out on him? We leave him alone in his darkest hour to slay demons from the deepest recesses of his mind?? We are to abandon him when he needs us the most?? Instead my girls and are tighten are grip and dive in. We have always been open with our children  about his invisible sickness. Just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not real. Does that make it easier at times like these? I can without hesitation tell you no. It is still a hardship we work through together as a FAMILY.

And to put my society sucks spin on this, that’s what’s wrong with the world today. People would much rather take the easy road for themselves. The minute there’s a problem run the other direction. When something isn’t going right point the finger and blame. Families don’t get much of a chance to mature anymore. The first sign of trouble families are broken apart to appease selfish people. Of course I’m not talking about ALL families. Of course there are always exceptions. However, if your family’s roots never get a chance to run deep in rich soil, they will not withstand the first severe storm.

Now to back track to the original question..Why do I stay.  I stay because I love my family. I stay because my husband deserve every bit as much love as he shows us. I stay because I know in my heart he would do the same for me. I stay because my girls need to know that in a heartless world there will be people who love you at the end of the day no matter what. I stay because I am dedicated to my marriage as an entity all it’s own, not just a piece of paper. I stay because in all this universe  I know that no living creature  will ever understand or love him the way that I do. I stay because I’m a fighter that has pride in everything I do.  What it all boils down to is finding someone you are willing to fight for. We are going to suffer in life. Just about finding who you are willing to fight through it with.


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