cancer · grief · love · my sister

New Normal

Accept that this is your new normal.

Yesterday was Wednesday. It snowed. I would have gotten a text detailing how crappy the snow is. How dare it snow on treatment day. People can’t drive when it snows. Never mind that my sister was one of those people who can’t drive when it snows!!

She picked me up like usual. I was having a crappy day. I had a clogged milk duct in my breast. My youngest didn’t sleep much the night before. My husband was making me nuts. When I got in her van, she was having a good day. There were times she would make comments about not knowing how many days she had left. It would be used dramatically. Like she would piss me off, then instead of saying sorry, she would say:

“Well Kate, we don’t know how many days I have so you can’t stay mad”

She tried that with me. And I told her “Ya well, we don’t know how many days you have left to listen to ME either now do we??” She looked at me and then laughed her loud real laugh.

We got to treatment. It took forever. All the blood work. Talking to the doctor. They couldn’t find her treatment. Then she had to do the treatment. We talked the whole time. She tried to put me in a better mood. It just wasn’t working that day. There was just so much going on.

When we got outside, she asked me to hold on she forgot something. I just stood there facing forward.


Bitch hit me with a freaking snowball!

I was so pissed. Really???

**THUD** **THUD**

How the hell had she made so many?? What the hell??

I moved beside the building. Started making snowballs. Turned and started launching.

She was laughing so hard she fell. I ran over to make sure she was ok. She was still laughing. So was I. I helped her get up. She hugged me a big one. We walked arm and arm to her van.

Accept that this is your new normal.

Just because this is my new normal, doesn’t mean I have to like it.

This week has been so hard. I miss you so much. I want to talk to you about all the things I have going on right now. I want to hear what you would say to me.

My new normal is having the roughest time this week and not having you. I believe in the paranormal. There are too many things that happen to be just a coincidence. I know you are around. But I’m sure you know as much as I do, it’s just not the same.





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