depression · grief · loss

Expected to be the same

There are many facets to grieving. There are a myriad of feelings our mind has to processes. Emotions our heart has to take in, live, and release. There are the real life changes after a death. No phone calls. No visits. Nothing. We have to learn how to live this different life.

When you are in school or on the job, you are given time to do projects. You have dead lines. You are given the tools you need. Most of the time, you know exactly what you need to do. There are detailed instructions. People around you may pitch in and help. Either with the project itself OR with their verbal support. Maybe a cup of coffee for an all nighter. Maybe just the space and time you need to complete the project.

Grieving should be given these same considerations. We should treat mourning the same way we do a project at school or work. It takes time to get through it. There are days where trying to be physically active is next to impossible. In grief, the most important part should be your heart. Working on piecing whatever is left of it back together. Learning to live without the part of your heart that is now gone. There are no instructions, tools, etc. waiting for you when someone dies. No one hands you a detailed blue print of how things will go from now on. Really, there is nothing. The thing a grieving person should be able to rely on, are their loved ones and friends for emotional (sometimes physical) support.

However, the griever is just expect to be the same or normal. The person is held to the same expectation they always have been. It seems as though after a couple of months, everything is supposed to just some how magically go back to normal. Or sometimes, you are just supposed to put your grieving on hold to care for others.

Just put your grieving on hold.

I think that this is where part of the bitterness experienced during the grief process comes into play. Being bitter because you are expected to walk around with an oozing weeping unhealing wound and then pretend not to be in pain. Pretend that you can function. Bitterness starts to form as healing mechanism towards a world that just keeps moving and expects you to as well.



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