cancer · grief · loss · my heart · my sister

This March

This March, there will be no bad news. There can’t be a day worse than the one before when it comes to your health.  No doctor’s office will call me trying to find you. No appointment reminders. No text messages. No test results. Nothing.

This March, I realized that no matter how hard or frustrating I thought life was standing by your side fighting with you…it is so much harder standing alone. This is lonely. This empty.

This March, I talk about you. I want to talk about you. I want to say your name. I want to share your story, our story. I want to share you with the world.

This March, I want someone else to talk about you. I want to hear someone else say your name. I want to hear someone else tell me a story about you.  I want to hear the joy, love, frustration, any and all emotions in their voice, when they talk about you.

I want to scream at people to talk about you to me. That really, it’s ok to talk to me about you. Talking about you keeps your story alive. I might cry, but most of the time those tears that fall are not sadness but love that can’t be expressed in words.

I want people to remember that you existed.

I want people to know how amazing you could be (when you weren’t in your feelings).

I want the world to understand that when someone is grieving the worst thing you can do is NOT talk about their lost loved one. It makes it seem like they never existed at all.

 

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