grief · life after loss · loss

The four chambers of your heart

I have been struggling. I don’t hide that. I am much more open about my grieving now. I think mourning freely makes processing all of it easier. I collapsed last week. I completely crumbled. The weight of grief is heavy.

My mind wants to write. It wants to get out of bed. Share our story with someone else. Maybe it can help someone else.

But my heart, my sorrow, my loss is so much stronger than my mind. I wrestled to get out of bed. Even when I was out of bed, all I did was cried. How can it already be so close to six months that you are gone?

Last week,every feeling, every thought, hurt tremendously. My heart is so broken from processing my feelings surrounding my sister’s death.  I was almost completely non functioning. I was drowning. I sunk so low.

But my sister’s spirit/energy, whatever she is now, was not having that. Her boys wanted to come over. They did. I struggled. It is bittersweet. So much of her is in them. It makes me miss her but then I have to stop. I have to spend as much time with them as I can.

They are the only pieces I have left of her.

They are the best pieces of her left behind.

Better than a shirt, or bandana or any other article of clothing or trinket of hers I could have.

Seeing them is like seeing a part of her personality alive, in motion.

Today I am thankful for the four chambers of your heart Krystal. They keep mine going.

Forever & Always. Always & Forever.

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