Close to nine years ago, I had found out I was pregnant for the third time. I was in shock. Disbelief. My husband was so excited. My sister laughed at me. Man she laughed at me. Not too much longer after me, she found out she was pregnant as well! She was super excited to be pregnant with me at the same time.
I was excited for her and so sad at the same time. I had been pregnant with twins. I had lost one, right around when she found out she was pregnant. It was such a happy bittersweet time. The only person who knew was my husband. We kept it quiet. I didn’t want to steal her happy.
Eventually my miscarriage did come out. My sister had been mad I didn’t tell her. But understood why I didn’t say anything.
Fast forward to today….
It is a warmer day. Therefore, I have been gardening. Sun. So much wonderful sun. I knew going out that most of my roses were dead. I had not tended to them for a couple of years. I was so busy with Krystal. I knew I was going to get upset. My roses hold sentimental meanings for me. I was mentally ready.
Surprisingly, I wasn’t sad at the dead roses. My mind and heart were together (for once). I dug out roses. It felt good to let them go. If I want to I can replace them. It’s ok.
However, when I got to Krystal’s rose. I broke down. Not because it died. Hers has new growth. I cried because I realized when she and I picked the spot, it is next to my Emma (miscarriage).
I broke down so hard. A miscarriage is horrible. Nobody wants to talk to you or talk about it. It is so lonely. Krystal would have talked to me if I would have told her. I know she would have. Well, she probably would have done more hugging than talking.
I don’t know where we go when we die. I don’t know what happens. But, while I sat out there crying over the placement of those two roses, I got a little happy sad. Maybe, where ever Emma is, Krystal is with her. Maybe they are together. Maybe just maybe, Emma has someone special with her now, so she doesn’t feel alone like I do.
Take care of her Krys. You always wanted a girl.
I love and miss you most.
Forever & Always. Always & Forever.