acceptance · me · ramblings

Anger, Anger, Go away

The only way to let the love in, is to let the anger out.  Anger will consume ever part of your life. Some people may not even realize that they are angry. I know I didn’t. I just thought I was unhappy. When anger management comes up, I often chuckle. What is that really anyways??? Don’t get mad?? Not at all my friends. Anger actually can be almost unrecognizable if you don’t know yourself. Which of course I didn’t. So admitting the anger was difficult. I had to actual understand how anger can dress it’s self up and dance around all undetected and fancy like.

I would reckon most of us are very familiar with explosive anger. That surge of raw emotion that erupts like a volcano allowing us to spew out the most heinous of thoughts into words.  That moment when we see red and totally lose control.
How about the ALWAYS  angry person? That person who has integrated anger into their personality. It has official become a permanent trait. I mean this person just wakes up mad to be mad. Any and everything in the world is wrong to this person. They spew of judgementalness. They ooze of comments meant to hurt others to fish aimlessly for adoration for themselves.

Maybe ya might even know that person with that “moral” person. Now understand I do believe in morals. I’m talking that over the edge person who is moral crazy and only THEIR morals are the RIGHT morals. The person who is often accusing other of being wrong, bad, immoral, etc.  The truth to this one is they are vulnerable, insecure, might  even have a little envy going on.

Neither one of those really rang a bell at this phase of the game for me. About 20 (ekkk 20??) years ago at 14/15. Yea, that first one was the church bells ringing for me. On time, loud and with a reverberation that could move mountains. Yes that strong. But I did “anger management” I’m not angry anymore. WRONG! It was now just more of a repressed anger. WHY? Because I never dealt with what was bothering me in the first place!!

Oh come on…AGAIN with the anger management crap?? NOPE. Not this time. I can’t manage it when I don’t know what’s causing it. (FYI..its the lack of a need not being meet) Irritability. Grumpiness. Negativity. Criticism. Self-Criticism. OH LAWD YES! That’s anger??? Yep. On the down low. Trying to be low key at the table of repression sipping on strawberry daiquiri with depression.

Except this time. we aren’t gonna sit drinking daiquiris until we pass out not remember what we just talked about. Nah, this time, I am popping on the head phones and going for a walk, leaving the alcohol, shame and self hate to split that tab alone.

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